News media meteorologists redefine the word storm


In an interesting yet unadvertised move earlier this year, meterologists for most major news organizations in the Maritimes have taken it upon themselves to re-define the word ‘storm’.

With a long history of being battered and abused by foul weather, most maritimers have historically failed to react in a manner as chaotic as their central counterparts to rain, wind and snow-fall. Due to this, meterologists have often chosen to limit the use of the word ‘storm’ to apply only when the true definition of potentially dangerous weather existed. This has put major maritime media outlets at quite a disadvantage as they do not have the same social media impact of having their weather stories circulated through social media as often.

To help promote the wide-spread panic and fear mongering that have people glued to their TV’s and computer screens for updates, local broadcasters have changed the meaning of ‘storm’ to something more general. This will allow them to utilize the term more often to keep up with their central/urban counter-parts.

The world ‘storm’ since January 2015 is now defined as:

Any time precipitation forms and there exists the simultaneous opportunity for it to be displaced by wind.

According to The Codfish’s resident meterologist Eli Pardy (currently reporting from off the Grand Banks via VHF radio) ‘precipitation’ means moisture. When asked what this means in lamens terms Eli informed us “It’s any times it snows or rains b’y!”.

The Codfish will continue to follow up on this story, however for now we are closing the office. Our cartoonst informs us that he had to turn on his wipers this morning and we’d rather not leave our employees stranded here in a storm.


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